Lou Costello at the football game with Connie Haines
Lou Costello at the football game with Connie Haines — so, what is Lou complaining about?
Bud Abbot: Well, never mind that. Where have you been all week? What have you been doing?
Lou Costello: Oh boy, have I been having fun with Connie Haines.
Bud Abbot: No kidding.
Lou Costello: Last Saturday I took her to a football game. What a game! What excitement!
Bud Abbot: Any passes?
Lou Costello: No, her mother was with us. And another thing, Abbott, there was a man sitting next to us with a six month old baby. All afternoon the kid was crying. He was so hungry!
Bud Abbot: Didn’t the father bring a bottle?
Lou Costello: Yeah, but the kid wanted milk. Finally, to shut the kid up, I give him a penny.
Bud Abbot: Did that keep him quiet?
Lou Costello: Yeah, but he kept waving the penny in front of my binoculars. It ruined the game.
Bud Abbot: How did it ruin the game?
Lou Costello: All afternoon, Lincoln was playing in the backfield!
[from the Abbott and Costello radio show episode, Bank Robbery]