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Ken Niles doesn’t have enough to do [Abbott and Costello

Ken Niles

Ken Niles doesn’t have enough to do – from the Abbott and Costello radio show episode, Bank Robbery

Bud Abbott: Our announcer, Ken Niles, is complaining because he didn’t have enough to do last week. Isn’t that right, Ken?

Ken Niles: Yes, it is. After all, I could give the program a lift. I’m a shot in the arm.

Lou Costello: You said it! You’re a dope!

Bud Abbott: Now don’t be silly, Costello. Niles is very popular.

Ken Niles: Why, sure. Right after the broadcast last week, a lot of women chased me up Hollywood Boulevard. And one of them caught me and threw her arms around my neck!

Lou Costello: I saw that.

Ken Niles: You did?

Lou Costello: Yeah. Why did you snatch her pocketbook?

Bud Abbott: Now cut it out, Costello. Now, I talked to Ken’s wife, and she says, he should have more lines. She says, he’s got talent., she says, he’s terrific, she says, he’s colossal, she says …

Lou Costello: She says this, she says that! I don’t care what his wife says!

Ken Niles: Well, I do. My wife is a wonderful person. She’s as necessary to me as an umbrella in a rain storm.

Lou Costello: I’ll take the umbrella. It’s easier to shut up.

Bud Abbott: Now why don’t you be reasonable, Costello. Mrs. Niles is a very sweet girl.

Ken Niles: Yes she is. She’s a great deal like Sonia Henie.

Lou Costello: You mean you have to keep her on ice?

Bud Abbott: Please!

Lou Costello: [to the audience] You folks hearing us?

Bud Abbott: Now wait a minute! Just a minute! Now that isn’t fair, Costello. Now, let’s get together here. Give Ken a chance to show what he can do.

Lou Costello: Okay.

The Raven

Ken Niles: Thanks, Bud. I’d like to read a little tidbit that I just happened to bring along.

Lou Costello: Oh, this is going to murder ya …

Ken Niles: “One night as I sat rocking, rocking on my chamber floor, came a knocking, gentle knocking at my chamber door. Quoth the raven, nevermore. Quoth the raven, Nevermore!” There, how’d you like that.

Lou Costello: Don’t look now, but the Raven just laid an egg!

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