Find your niche – from The Abbott and Costello Radio Show, Bud Abbott tries to explain to Lou Costello the difference between Niche & Itch. One cornerstone of their verbal comedy was Lou Costello misunderstanding two words — here it’s “niche” and “itch” — and his pal Bud Abbott tries to explain. And fails. Enjoy!
Bud Abbott: You might find your proper niche in life.
Lou Costello: Yes, I might. After all, if I find my … What will I find?
Bud Abbott: Your niche.your niche, you might find your niche.
Lou Costello: Abbott, when I find an itch, I scratch it.
Bud Abbott: What in the world are you talking about?
Lou Costello: An itch. I once had the seven year itch.
Bud Abbott: What happened?
Lou Costello: I scratched real fast and got rid of it in 3 and a half years!
Bud Abbott: I’m not talking about that kind of an itch. I mean a niche in life. A niche in life is what everyone is looking for. Anyone who’s successful has found an niche.
Lou Costello: In that case, I know an Airedale that’s doing very well!
A niche like when you have a notch
Bud Abbott: Listen to me, Costello, when I say a niche, I don’t mean a niche like you have when you have an itch, I mean a niche like when you have a notch.
Lou Costello: Ooooh, you don’t mean an itch like an itch when you have an itch, you mean an itch like you have when you have a notch.
Bud Abbott: Now you’ve got it.
Lou Costello: Now I’ve got it, I don’t even know what I’m talking about!
Bud Abbott: Costello, why do you mash everything up like that? You’re the most mixed-up man I ever saw.
Lou Costello: Well, maybe it’s because I fell into my mother’s MixMaster this morning. She had it set for mashed potatoes! [laughs]
Bud Abbott: All I’m trying to tell you is that a niche is a notch, catch?
Lou Costello: Natch.
Bud Abbott: All right! Now you know that a niche is a notch. Do you know that both of them are the same? I could have a notch, and you could have a niche.
Lou Costello: Yes. Niche to me, and notch to you!
Drawing a salary
Bud Abbott: I’m only trying to impress you the importance of being a big league ballplayer and having a nice income. Did you ever draw a nice big, fat salary?
Lou Costello: No, I never drew a fat celery. But I once sketched a skinny tomato.
Bud Abbott: When I say draw, and I don’t mean “draw” like draw when you draw, I mean “draw” like when you draw a salary.
Lou Costello: Abbott, let me smell your breath. Mm-hmm! Just as I’ve thought, you’ve drawn one too many already!
Bud Abbott: Will you listen to me, please? When I say you’ve drawn a salary, I mean you draw money.
Lou Costello: Now he’s got me drawing money. Wait’ll the FBI finds out about this! I’ll probably draw twenty years in the clink! And they don’t feed you any celery in there, either!
Bud Abbott: Costello, when I say you “draw money”, I mean like when you draw money to spend it. Not like when you draw on an easel.
Lou Costello: That’s what I always say: with money it’s easel come, easel go!
Bud Abbott: Everybody draws money! I draw money. I’ve been drawing money for years. My brother draws money. He’s been drawing money for years.
Lou Costello: You draw? And your brother draws?
Bud Abbott: Certainly!
Lou Costello: Just as I thought! You and your brother are an old pair of drawers!