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Connie Haines doesn’t have enough to do

Connie Haines, circa 1943

Connie Haines doesn’t have enough to do – from the Abbott and Costello radio show, Bank Robbery

Connie Haines: Hello, everybody. And, hello my fat li’l sugar man.

Lou Costello: Oh, the voice of this kid is temporaneous.

Bud Abbott: Quiet.

Lou Costello: Hello, Connie.

Connie Haines: Mr. Costello, honey, I’d like you and Mr. Abbott to meet someone. This is my Aunt Ruby.

Bud Abbott: Hello, nice to meet you.

Lou Costello: Hi, Aunt Ruby. How do you like California?

Ruby: Connie doesn’t have enough to do!

Lou Costello: Wait a minute …

Ruby: I listened to the program last week, and there should be more music. Connie ought to sing four or five songs. There’s nothing but talk on this program. And who wants to hear a lot of talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk?

Lou Costello: Here comes another raid!


Ruby: After all, Mr. Costello, I taught Connie to sing. Even I sang in New York, Philadelphia, Cincinatti, Cleveland, Chicago …

Lou Costello: How about Saint Louis?

Ruby: They beat the Yanks! Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha. I really struck you out that time.

Lou Costello: You struck me out, eh? You’re just the old bat that can do it!

Bud Abbott: Now just a second, Costello, you can’t talk like that to Connie’s Aunt Ruby. Maybe she’s right, maybe this show needs more singing.

Ruby: Exactly! Everyone loves singing. Like this: All through the night, there’s a little [cough] Of course, I just had my tonsils taken out.

Lou Costello: Have them put back in!

Bud Abbott: Costello, what right do you have to criticize? What do you know about singing?

Lou Costello: Now look, Abbott, if I hadn’t come from such a large family, I’d have been a great singer.

Bud Abbott: What does a large family have to do with it?

Lou Costello: I could never get into the bathroom!

Bud Abbott: Come on, Costello, make up your mind. are you going to give Niles and Connie more lines, or not?

Lou Costello: Why should I? If I give them more to do, the first thing you know, even the sound man will want more to do!

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