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Knights In Shining Armor

Knights In Shining Armor - The Abbott and Costello Radio Show

Mel Blanc does the voices of Porky Pig, Bugs Bunny, an electric organ and …. Gets hiccups when Lou Costello yells at him! Then, Lou wants to play the romantic lead in Merle’s next picture. The cast then does, “The Brave Knight Cut Off The Dragon’s Tail,” or, “The Dragon Isn’t Waggin’ Anymore.” Costello plays, “Sir Porterhouse,” Abbott plays, “Sir Loin.”

Knights In Shining Armor – The Abbott and Costello Radio Show

Originally Broadcast November 19th, 1942


Lou Costello: Am I fat?
Bud Abbott: Well, you are on the plump side. Why do you ask?
Lou Costello: Well, I was over by one of those big hangars, I was standing next to a blimp, all of a sudden an officer points to me and says, “Look, they’re making ’em with faces now!”

Bud Abbott: You walked into that one, my friend. For your information, plane hostesses are always female.
Lou Costello: This was a male (mail) plane.

Bud Abbott: What kind of pilot was he? was he flying blind?
Lou Costello: No, he was perfectly sober!

[after Ken Niles has insulted his acting]
Lou Costello: Did you make that up yourself?
Ken Niles: Yeah, out of my head.
Lou Costello: You certainly are.

Lou’s Secretary: I used to be in pictures. I played in “The Way of All Flesh“.
Bud Abbott: What part did you play?
Lou’s Secretary: One of the meatballs.

Mel Blanc (Pottsford Twink the sound man): If you’re looking for new faces, look at me. My face is new, isn’t it?
Lou Costello: Oh, very new. In fact, your whole head has only been slightly used!

If Abbott and Costello want to hire Mel Blanc as the voice of Porky Pig, it’ll cost then $1,000 — far more than he’s normally paid. Why? The price of pork has gone up! And, if they want to hire him as Bugs Bunny, they’ll also have to hire his wife — Mrs. Bunny. Bud: We don’t need two bunnies. Lou: We can’t separate them – that would be splitting hares! But when Lou yells at him, he gets a terrible case of hiccoughs!

Their next movie

Bud wants to begin work on their next movie, but they need a leading lady. What about Lou’s secretary? Lou says no, she has a Supreme Court figure — no appeal. But Bud likes Lou’s suggestion of using actress Merle Oberon — in fact, he’s asked a fashion designer to come over. But after some joking back & forth, Merle Oberon arrives & she’ll design her own clothes.

“The Brave Knight Cut Off The Dragon’s Tail,” or, “The Dragon Isn’t Waggin’ Anymore.”

Lou will play the part of the brave night. Merle comments that she thought that knights were tall? Lou replies that, given the time of the year, the knights are getting shorter!

Merle Oberon: How did you get across the moat?
Lou Costello: I caught the guard with his bridges down!


  • Bud Abbott
  • Lou Costello
  • Ken Niles, announcer and antagonist for Lou
  • Connie Haines – Singer
  • The Camel Five – singing group promoting Camel cigarettes.
  • Mel Blanc – Pottsford Twink, the sound man for the radio show.


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