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Hunting Guide with Claire Trevor

Hunting Guide with Claire Trevor

Hunting Guide with Claire Trevor – from the Abbott and Costello Radio Show. Meat is scarce during World War II, so Bud and Lou go hunting for meat, with guide Claire Trevor

Hunting GuideThe Abbott and Costello Radio Show

Broadcast: 14th January 1943
Starring: Lou Costello, Bud Abbott, Claire Trevor


Jokes about meat shortages during World War II

Lou Costello: The only way I can get meat is to stand over a gopher hole with a baseball bat!
Bud Abbott: Oh, stop complaining. Things could be a lot worse. Nobody’s worrying about getting meat.
Lou Costello: Oh no? Yesterday I went to the market, the butcher put his arm on the counter and before he knew it, three women bought it!

Ken Niles: I’m not worried about the meat shortage.
Lou Costello: Why should ya, with that mutton head.

Weight jokes

Lou Costello: I got a military figure,
Ken Niles: That’s right — when you wear a belt, your stomach goes over the top.

Lou Costello: Be quiet, skinny. Why don’t you get yourself a pair of snowshoes?
Bud Abbott: What does he need snowshoes for?
Lou Costello: When he takes a bath, he won’t slide down the drain.

Lou Costello: When he gets undressed, it’s like unveiling a golf stick.
Bud Abbott: Now, now, now …
Lou Costello: He’s so skinny he has to put a bell on his tonsils to prove he’s breathing.

Lou insults Ken & Mrs. Niles

Ken Niles: My wife doesn’t have to, I’m a vegetarian. I’m wild about vegetables.
Lou Costello: You’d have to be, to be married to that old tomato.
Mrs. Niles: I heard that remark, Costello.
Ken Niles: Now, now, don’t fret darling, I’ll tell him. Costello, I’ll have you know that my wife is a striking woman.
Lou Costello: And you’ve got the black-and-blue marks to prove it.
Bud Abbott: Now Costello, you have to admit that Mrs. Niles has a winning smile.
Lou Costello: Yeah, and a losing face.
Mrs. Niles: Oh, is that so? I’ll have you know my picture has been on many a cover.
Lou Costello: Magazine or manhole?

Mrs. Niles: Men throw their hearts at my feet, flowers at my feet, gifts at my feet.
Lou Costello: What have your feet got that you haven’t got?

Abbott and Costello go hunting for meat

Lou Costello: Venison?
Bud Abbott: Sure, that’s deer meat. Wouldn’t you like to shoot a buck deer?
Lou Costello: I don’t have a buck, honey.

[little Matilda has stowed away in the luggage on their hunting trip]
Matilda: I’m not afraid of animals. My Daddy’s an Elk.
Lou Costello: Matilda, that kind of Elk isn’t an animal.
Matilda: You never saw my Daddy!

Matilda: Uncle Louie, I want to go hunting with you. I want to pull a bear’s tail.
Bud Abbott: No you don’t! You pull a bear’s tail, it will bite you!
Matilda: No it won’t.
Bud Abbott: Why not?
Matilda: Bears don’t bite with that end.

Hunting Guide Claire Trevor arrives

Lou Costello: Miss Trevor, we weren’t expecting a girl. We thought a man was going to lead us.
Claire Trevor: Well, didn’t you ever follow a woman before?
Lou Costello: Well, once I followed a woman. who used to catch minks.
Claire Trevor: Trapper?
Lou Costello: No, another guy beat me to her.

Claire Trevor: My sister thinks Lou Costello is the funniest comedian on the air.
Lou Costello: Oh gee, thanks! I’d like to meet her!
Claire Trevor: Well, you can’t. We never let her out of the attic.

Bud Abbott: Now, Miss Trevor …
Claire Trevor: Won’t you call me Claire?
Bud Abbott: Won’t you call me Bud?
Lou Costello: Won’t you call me when this is all over?

Bud Abbott: Costello wants to do a little hunting.
Claire Trevor: Oh? What’s your favorite animal?
Lou Costello: Roast beef.

[Claire’s dog, Roger, has ripped Lou’s pants]
Bud Abbott: Be careful of that dog, Costello — he’s an Airedale.
Lou Costello: I know if — I can feel the air.


  • Bud Abbott – straight man
  • Lou Costello – comedian
  • Claire Trevor (The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse; Key Largo) – guest star
  • Freddie Rich & his orchestra
  • Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend
  • The Camel Five – singers promoting Camel cigarettes
  • Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
  • Alvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist
  • Game Warden Boom Boom – antagonist to both Bud & Lou as they go hunting for meat.
  • Billy Gray as Matilda – she’s only 3 and 1/2 years old …


  • Happy Go Lucky – title song to the 1943 Dick Powell movie, sung by the Camel Five
  • Doin’ It For Defense” – from Star Spangled Rhythm, sung by Connie Haines and the Camel Five

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