Jokes

Abbott and Costello talk about marriage – Taken from their radio program, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello joke about marriage – in real life, Lou Costello was a happily married man, but you can’t tell by these jokes!

Lou Costello: I don’t believe in marriage, Abbott.   Marriage is like soup.

Lou Costello tries to figure out how to save enough money to buy a house –  Proving that everything old is new again, Lou Costello is trying to figure out how to save up enough money for a down payment on a house – from the Abbott and Costello radio program, “Lou Builds a House”

Bud Abbott: How do you plan to save enough money to buy a house?Read More »Lou Costello tries to figure out how to save enough money to buy a house

I’m quite the fisherman   –  Bud Abbott and Lou Costello joke about Bud being a fisherman, from the song “Laugh, Laugh, Laugh”

Bud Abbott: I’m quite the fisherman, Costello?

Lou Costello: What makes you a fisherman?Read More »I’m quite the fisherman

Women are putty in my hands –  From the Abbott and Costello radio show, “Nylon Stockings” – where Bud tries to brag to Lou about his ability to handle women

Bud Abbott: Leave it to me, women are putty in my hands.Read More »Women are putty in my hands

Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft Windows – an imaginary conversation where Abbott tries to tell Costello how to shut down Microsoft Windows

(Editor’s note: the great comedy team of  Abbott and Costello  passed away before either Bud Abbott or Lou Costello could have used Microsoft Windows™—but isn’t it funny to imagine that they had?)

Lou Costello: Hey, Abbot!

Bud Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Lou Costello: I just got my first computer.

Bud Abbott: That’s great Lou. What did you get?

Lou Costello: A brand new 2 Gighertz Pentium with 4 Gigabyte of RAM, a Terabyte  hard drive, and a 48x CD-ROM.

Bud Abbott: That’s terrific, Lou.

Lou Costello: But I don’t know what any of it means!Read More »Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft Windows