Trip To Palm Springs – The Abbott and Costello Radio Show with Veronica Lake, originally aired December 2, 1943
In Trip to Palm Springs, Abbott and Costello need to drive to Palm Springs to recruit Veronica Lake for their next movie. But they can’t drive there after Lou’s ruined Ken Niles’ car! So its Hertz U Drive!
Lou’s car accident
Abbott: Did you borrow Mrs. Nile’s car?
Costello: Yeah but i had a terrible accident, Abbott. I upset it i got to turn it over right away or Mrs. Niles won’t like it.
Abbott: Well, you can do that when we come back from Palm Springs.
Costello: No, I got to turn the car over now Mrs. Niles is gonna be mad.
Abbott: I’ll explain it to Mrs. Niles, where is she?
Costello: She’s under the car.
Abbott: She’s under the car?!?
yeah
Abbott: Is she in a coma?
Costello: No, she’s in an evening gown.
Abbott: Well then, let’s get Ken Niles to help lift the car.
Costello: Oh, Ken is in a good spot to help.
Abbott: Well fine, where is he?
Costello: He’s under the car too!
Abbott: Oh my goodness, for goodness sakes how did this accident happen?
Costello: I bumped into another car, Abbott, and boy was that driver mad at me! He said for two cents i’d put you right in the nose.
Abbott: And what happened?
Costello: He ran up a bill of eight dollars.
Abbott: You were very silly to argue with a driver. Why didn’t you call a police?
Costello: I didn’t have to, I hit one!
Abbott: Hey, you what?
Costello: I hit a policeman.
Abbott: You hit a policeman? In uniform?
Costello: No, I hit him right in the nose!
And, it turns out that the policeman’s under the car as well. But since they still need to get to Palm Springs, it’s time for their Hertz U Drive routine.
At Palm Springs
Eventually, Bud and Lou make it to Palm Springs, where they hope to sign Veronica Lake to the next movie. After Lou insults the clerk, he gives them a room on the tenth floor. But the hotel has only one floor! A good use of sound effects has Lou running up the (imaginary) stairs, only to fall nine floors! Shaking it off, Bud and Lou ask for the room near Miss Lake’s.
Costello: Okay but if i stay i want a room right close to hers.
Clerk: Well that’s easily arranged. Miss Lake is in 104 and i’ll put you in 105.
Costello: Ain’t you got nothing closer?
They they have a short encounter with little Matilda. She’s working at the hotel, putting lace curtains around all the mouse holes — to attract higher class mice. Then they meet Veronica Lake — whom Lou unintentionally insults. She leaves to go film her movie.
Shooting Veronica Lake’s movie
Bud and Lou follow her to the shooting location. After several jokes, she has them meet her director, Cliff Nazarro – a comedian famous for his double-talk routine. Which he does to hilarious result with Costello!
Routines
Songs
- Freddie Rich and his orchestra play “Dancing in the Dark“.
- Connie Haines sings “My Heart Tells Me“.
Jokes
Costello: Oh i don’t like the desert it’s full of insects.
Abbott: Oh not at this time of the year.
Costello: Yeah but where do all the little bugs go in wintertime?
Abbott: Search me.
Costello: No thanks i just wanted to find out.
Abbott: Oh clerk, clerk …
Costello: Oh jerk!
Clerk: Hey, just a moment please, this is a very high class hotel. I’ll have you understand I’m not a jerk.
Costello: You’re not even a vibration.
Costello: Hey come on now abbott now let’s get out of this place
Abbott: Now now
Costello: I’ve never been so humidity in all my life.
Abbott: Humidity?
Costello: Yes he humiliated me humidity
Abbott: Humidity means “damp”.
Costello: Now let’s get out of this damp hotel!
Veronica Lake: My director’s waiting for me now out in the desert.
Costello: I’d like to go with you, how do you get out there?
Veronica Lake: On a jackass – did you ever ride a jackass?
Costello: No.
Veronica Lake: Then you’d better get onto yourself
Costello: That’s sort of a very very snappy remark ain’t it? That’s a funny joke; I think i’ll try it on Abbott.
Abbott: Now what do you want?
Costello: Did you ever ride a jackass?
Abbott: No.
Costello: Then hop on my back!
Cast
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian. Also does the voice of his fictional young brother Sebastian
- Veronica Lake (I Married a Witch) – movie star, this week’s guest.
- Cliff Nazarro – comedian and voice actor, famous for his double talk routine.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
- Alvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist.
- Billy Gray as Matilda – she’s only 3 and 1/2 years old …