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Stolen Oranges

Mrs. Crumbcake is going to sue Lou for 79 cents in "Jail"

A remake of “The Lawyer with The Mad Russian“, Lou Costello gets into trouble shooting a neighbor stealing his oranges! Then she takes him to court! With Mr. Kitzel as his lawyer?

Stolen Oranges – The Abbott and Costello Radio Show, originally broadcast February 1, 1945.

Routines

Trivia

Lou’s pruning his trees

Lou Costello: I’m a busy man, Abbott. I spent the whole day in my back yard hanging prunes on my orange tree.
Bud Abbott: Hanging prunes on your orange tree? Who t old you to do that ?!
Lou Costello: My gardener! He said the orange tree needed pruning!
Bud Abbott: What a dope! Your gardener meant you should get a ladder and saw the limbs!
Lou Costello: I don’t need no ladder! i saw the limbs from my window!
Bud Abbott: What kind of limbs can you saw from your window? ,
Lou Costello: The limbs of Ruby Poolcue — she lives next door!
Bud Abbott: I’m talking about the limbs on your tree . Did you saw the limbs?
Lou Costello: Certainly i saw the limbs. they was hanging right in front of me!

Did you saw them off?

Bud Abbott: No – no you dummy — did you saw them off?
Lou Costello: No — i just told you i saw them on …
Bud Abbott: Costello, you don’t saw them on. You saw them off.
Lou Costello: They was off – how could I see them?

Bud Abbott: Because you had to see them when you sawed them?
Lou Costello: I had to see them when i sawed them? What kind of English is that?
Bud Abbott: Costello – when I say saw, I don’t mean the kind of saw you saw when you see. i mean the kind of saw you saw when you saw.
Lou Costello: Oh – you don’t mean the kind of saw you saw when you see. You mean the kind of see you saw when you see-saw
Bud Abbott: Now you’ve got it.
Lou Costello: Now I’ve got it. I don it even know what iim talking about .

Bud Abbott: Costello I’m trying to tell you how to prune a tree. Look, Costello, if you want your tree to grow good oranges — it’s got to be trimmed before the sap rises!
Lou Costello: Before the sap rises?
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: What time do you get up?

Lou shoots Mrs. Beanbag

Bud Abbott: Look, Mr. Beanbag, Costello here made a very serious mistake . He shot at your wife!
Mel Blanc: He—a—-ah–ah–ah–he–ah—-he dah-da-da-da-da– he–made a worse mistake than that!
Bud Abbott: What could be worse that shooting at your wife?
Mel Blanc: He–he–missed her!
Lou Costello: You made a worse mistake than that, beanbag !
Mel Blanc: What’s that?
Lou Costello: You married her!

In Court

Mr. Kitzel: Thank you. Now mister cantolope tell the jury— where were you on the afternoon of February first?
Lou Costello: I was home?
Mr. Kitzel: You should have been with me. I had a wonderful time. I had two bottle of seppningi
Lou Costello: Seppning?? Whatts seppning?
Mr. Kitzel: Nothing much, what’s seppning with you? The defense rests!
Lou Costello: Alcatraz — here I come!

Songs

  • Freddie Rich and the orchestra play “Begin the Beguine
  • Connie Haines sings “The Trolley Song

Cast of characters

  • Bud Abbott – straight man
  • Lou Costello – comedian.
  • Freddie Rich & his orchestra
  • Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend.
  • Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
  • Elvia Allman – typically plays the part of Mrs. Niles. Here she’s the neighbor stealing oranges, Mrs. Bessie Beanbag, who takes Lou to court.
  • Artie Auerbach as Mr. Kitzel – this week, he’s Lou’s defense attorney.
  • Mel Blanc (Neptune’s Daughter; Looney Tunes) – The stammering Mr. Beanbag. Also Judge Sam Quentin Leavenworth, and the prison warden.
  • Murray Leonard (Lost in a Harem) – the crazed prisoner in the Poko Moko routine

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