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Lou Costello and Bud Abbott in Newsweek 1940

Loan me 50 dollars

Abbott and Costello skit – Loan me 50 dollars

One of the classic  Abbott and Costello  routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money.  The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill.  This routine was done  many  times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10  Loan me 50 dollars

The Vitamin Skit, with  Abbott and Costello

Vitamin Skit

The Vitamin Skit, with  Abbott and Costello

The Vitamin Skit is a funny Abbott and Costello routine, taken from the Abbott and Costello radio show. Lou Costello misunderstands ‘B1’ for ‘be one’, among other verbal humor. Enjoy!

Vitamin Skit
Abbott and Costello's, Turkey Sandwich and Cup of Coffee routine from Keep 'Em Flying", 1941.

Sandwich and a Cup of Coffee

Abbott and Costello‘s, Turkey Sandwich and Cup of Coffee routine from Keep ‘Em Flying“, 1941.

Blackie (Bud Abbott) and Heathcliff (Lou Costello), having been unsuccessful at entering through the gates of the Cal-Aero, Army Air Corps flight training academy, enter the U.S.O. club and approach the lunch counter with only one quarter between them and take their seats. Gloria (Martha Raye, playing the parts of twin sisters Gloria and Barbara) waits on them from behind the counter.

Sandwich and a Cup of Coffee
I bet you that you're not here -€” Abbott and Costello routine

I bet you that you’re not here

I bet you that you’re not here – Abbott and Costello routine

In the movie  The Noose Hangs High, there’s a very funny routine, where Abbott and Costello are being guarded by a gangster — and  Bud Abbott  decides to bet their warden that Bud can prove that the gangster isn’t there!   It’s a classic piece of clown logic, that gets even better when the gangster decides to win his money back by making the same bet with  Lou Costello — only for Lou to turn the tables on him!  

I bet you that you’re not here
Abbott and Costello skit, Gold Ore

Gold Ore

Abbott and Costello skit,  Gold Ore

Taken from  Abbott and Costello‘s radio show, although they also did the same basic routine in  Lost in Alaska, and in their  TV show  as well.   The basic premise is that Lou Costello’s Uncle has struck gold in Alaska, and Lou and Mr. Fields discuss mining for gold ..

Gold Ore
Dyeing Routine

Dyeing Routine

A classic Abbott and Costello routine from their radio show – where Bud Abbott is talking about his Uncle Herman who works in a dye factory, and Lou Costello confuses “dyeing” for “dying” — with minimal effort, it could be turned into a gospel ministry skit, at the end the clown taking Bud’s part talking about dying, spiritual death and eternal life.

Bud Abbott: You’d better take that suit over to my Uncle Herman’s, At the Kurt Dry Cleaning Plant.
Lou Costello: Dry Cleaning Plant? What’s your Uncle Herman doing there?
Bud Abbott: Well this is Wednesday, He’s dyeing today.
Lou Costello:  That’s terrible Abbott, I didn’t even know he was sick.Dyeing Routine

Who Done It? Lou Costello, Bud Abbott

Watts and Volts

A classic  Abbott and Costello  routine, in the style of  Who’s on First?, where Bud Abbott tries to explain electricity —  Watts and Volts — only to have Lou Costello think that he’s talking about What’s and Votes.   From their movie,  Who Done It?  Interestingly, it was improvised on the spot as they were filming, and reportedly has the other cast and crew in stitches.

Watts and Volts
Hertz U Drive

Hertz U Drive

Hertz U Drive routine, originally performed on Abbott and Costello‘s radio program.

Bud Abbott: Oh, you can cause more trouble! We were going to the eight-to-the-bar-ranch to ask the Andrews Sisters to appear on our show. And YOU wrecked the car we were going to use! Well, now we’ll have to rent a carHertz U Drive