A classic Abbott and Costello routine, where Lou Costello misunderstands that by “loafing” — Bud Abbott means that he’s making loaves of bread in a bakery; not loafing around the house like Costello! Taken from their classic television series, The Abbott and Costello Show episode, Getting a Job.
Bud Abbott: I had to get a job! You don’t want to work!
Lou Costello: What’re you doing?
Bud Abbott: I got a job at a bakery.
Lou Costello: Good! What’re you doing there?
Bud Abbott: Loafing.
Lou Costello: [reacts] Loafing?
Bud Abbott: Loafing!
Lou Costello: Where?
Bud Abbott: In a bakery.
Lou Costello: You working?
Bud Abbott: Well, certainly.
Lou Costello: Doing what?
Bud Abbott: Loafing!
Lou Costello: That’s what I was doing here, I was taking it easy …
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, not that kind of loafing. You’re just a lazy idiot.
Lou Costello: I was taking it easy, same as you.
Bud Abbott: I work when I loaf!
Lou Costello: How can you work and loaf at the same time?
Bud Abbott: Why not?
Lou Costello: Can they do that?
Bud Abbott: That’s what they pay me for!
Lou Costello: They pay you for what?
Bud Abbott: To loaf!
Lou Costello: [aggravated] How do they pay you to loaf?
Bud Abbott: I work for the baker, I’m loafing there.
Lou Costello: You loaf, you don’t do a thing! How much do they pay you at the baker store?
Bud Abbott: A dollar and a half an hour.
Lou Costello: For loafing
Bud Abbott: I’m a union man! I belong to the union!
Lou Costello: I’m loafing here, and I don’t get nothing for it!
Bud Abbott: You’re not supposed to get money for that kind of loafing!
Lou Costello: Can I loaf there with you?
Bud Abbott: I should say not; you’ve got to join the union.
Lou Costello: [confused] I gotta join a union of loafers?
Bud Abbott: You can’t loaf without belonging to the union.
Lou Costello: Well, what do you think of that? You mean I gotta join a union in order to loaf?
Bud Abbott: Well, certainly!
Lou Costello: Don’t say nothin’ but I was loafing here the union knowin’.
Bud Abbott: No, you weren’t loafing here, you can’t loaf here! You can’t loaf here, you’ve got no dough.
Lou Costello: I got no dough? That’s why I’m loafing, because I don’t got no dough.
Bud Abbott: No, no, you got dough you could loaf. Then you’d have to get a card and join the union.
Lou Costello: You mean, you’ve gotta have dough to loaf?
Bud Abbott: Well sure, how can you loaf without dough?
Lou Costello: That’s very hard, I’ve been trying to do it.
Bud Abbott: You can’t do anything.
Lou Costello: I can’t retire right now, I’ve got to have a job.
Bud Abbott: Someday come down to the bakery, I’ll show you how to loaf. I do real loaf. In fact, you know, I’ve never told you this, my whole family were loafers.
Lou Costello: No kidding.
Bud Abbott: Sure, my father was a bigger loafer than me.
Lou Costello: He was?
Bud Abbott: Yeah, he was one of the best loafers in the family.
Lou Costello: I think you’re a better loafer than your father.
Bud Abbott: I know that now, because he taught me how to loaf.
Lou Costello: You know you’re a bigger loafer than your father?
Bud Abbott: Oh sure, sure.
Lou Costello: You’re a bigger loafer than me too, ain’t ya?
Bud Abbott: You’re no loafer.
Lou Costello: I’m not?
Bud Abbott: Certainly not.
Lou Costello: What?
Bud Abbott: You’re just a lazy, no good for nothing … whatever you are.
Lou Costello: [angry] How can I be lazy? You just told me I’m no loafer, you’re a loafer, not me!
Bud Abbott: But I get paid for loafing, you don’t!
Lou Costello: That’s what I don’t understand – work in a bakery store, get paid a dollar and a half an hour for loafing!
Bud Abbott: That’s right!
Lou Costello: This I don’t understand!
Bud Abbott: What do you mean you don’t understand? What’s to understand?
Lou Costello: I don’t understand you working and loafing and getting paid for it!
Bud Abbott: Wait a minute …
Lou Costello: Can I get a job there, doing the same thing?
Bud Abbott: No …
Lou Costello: I can’t get a job there!
Bud Abbott: You have to belong to the union.
Lou Costello: All you do is talk, talk, talk, and all I hear – you don’t say nothin’ – loafing!
Bud Abbott: I don’t say anything?
Lou Costello: No!
Bud Abbott: Look, you go to the union, you get a card, you go to the baker, they give you dough. You knead the dough first …
Lou Costello: I need the dough, and how I need the dough!
Bud Abbott: You knead the dough in order to loaf.
Lou Costello: I need the dough in order to loaf?
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: Give me some dough and I’ll get something to eat in the joint.
Bud Abbott: You can’t get any dough …
Lou Costello: Poor Bingo, I don’t know what he’s gonna do without a parent … I just wanna ask you one thing.
Bud Abbott: What?
Lou Costello: What makes a balloon go up?
Bud Abbott: Hot air.
Lou Costello: What’s holding you down?