Bud, Lou and derelict in cell:
Derelict: I havenât always been a derelict â¦ (looks at Lou) â¦ like you.
Lou Costello: Donât call me those kind of bad names!
Derelict: Would you like to hear my story?
Lou Costello: No
Derelict: Very well, then Iâll tell it to you
Bud Abbott: Go ahead
Derelict: [to Bud] Thank you â¦ many years ago my father gave me the benefit of a very good education [sad music playing] â¦ then .. I met her. She was beautiful â¦ glorious. We were married. two years later â a baby boy. I havenât seen that boy till this very day.
Lou Costello: Did you say a little baby boy?
Lou Costello: Did he have brown eyes?
Derelict: Yes he did!
Lou Costello: And two little teeth in the front?
Derelict: [Excitedly] Yes, yes!
Lou Costello: And black hair?
Lou Costello: Daddy!
[derelict pushes Lou away]
Bud Abbott: Oh whatâs the matter with you? Sit still! Keep quiet. Stop interupting the man!
Lou Costello: Well, I thought I found my father!
Bud Abbott: Quiet! [turns to derelict] â go ahead.
Derelict: Thank you. We were very happy, my little family. One morning we were seated around the breakfast table and a knock came at the door. There stood a man. He was broken in health and spirit. I bade him enter, I welcomed him into my home. I said âmake my home your homeââ¦and he did! One day I returned from work to find that home was no longer a home. My wife â¦ the babyâ¦ and the stranger had fled. Then one day â¦ at the banks of the Poko Moko I found them. Suddenly my brain snapped. All the years of pent up emotion of years suffering welled up within me. I knew I would never be satisfied until I had my bony fingers wrapped around his throat. So with murder in my heart â¦slooooooowly I turned [acting this out as he speaks, focusing on Lou[, step by step, step by step I crept upon him [creeping towards Lou] and when I saw the stare in his face â¦ I struck and I grabbed him [Grabs Lou and starts pushing him against the wall and shouting at him]
Bud Abbott: Whatâs the matter? Why are you interrupting the man for?
Derelict: My poor friend, Iâm sorry. But everytime I hear the word Poko Moko, I just want to kill!
Lou Costello: Take it easy pal, take it easy!
Bud Abbott: See, everytime he hears that word: âPoko Mokoâ
Derelict: Poko Moko!!!! OOhh, I knew Iâd never be satisfied until I had his blood running between my fingersâ¦so slowly I turned [does action] step by step, step by step I crept upon him â and when I saw the streak on his countenance I grabbed him and I couldnât help myself [throws Lou against the wall and begins beating him up] and I was going out my mind [calms down, breathless]
Lou Costello: [takes an exaggerated boxing stance]
Bud Abbott: Stand still! Whatâs the matter with you? The manâs telling you his lifeâs history. Itâs interesting.
Derelict: My poor friend! I did it again didnât I?
Bud Abbott: Itâs alright, itâs alright
Derelict: Whatâs happening to me?
Lou Costello: Itâs not happening to you brother, itâs all happening over here!
Bud Abbott: Just â¦ donât use that word â¦.
Lou Costello: Donât â¦ donât â¦ donât â¦ donât. He means âPocahontas!â
Derelict: [reacts for a second]
Lou Costello: [stopping him] Pocahontas!!
Bud Abbott: Yes, itâs alright
Lou Costello: Sounds like Coko Moko or something
Bud Abbott: Shhh!
Derelict: Poko Moko! BBBRRRRRRâ¦So slowly I turned! Step by step, step by step [Lou calls out for Bud in a quiet voice] â¦ and when I crept upon him â¦ I grabbed him and [again beats Lou and repeatedly slams him into the wall, then throws him across the cell to the other wall knocking his hat off]
Bud Abbott: [angrily to derelict] Just a minute â¦ just a minute! Now youâve been getting away with murder. Enough is enough. You understand that? Iâve stood by and watched all this! And Iâve let you get away with it â¦ but no more! [bends down and picks up Louâs hat] â These things cost money. Be careful how you handle them!