Abbott and Costello put on the radio play, “Robinson Crusoe” with Charles Laughton as Friday, Lou Costello as Robinson Crusoe, written by Mirs. Niles, sound effects by Mel Blanc! What could possibly go wrong? Originally broadcast February 10th, 1944
Robinson Crusoe with Charles Laughton – The Abbott and Costello radio show
Street vs. Saint, Drive vs. Doctor
The show begins with a comedy routine between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, as Lou mistakes the abbreviation ‘St.’ for Saint — or Street. And later, ‘Dr.’ for Doctor — or Driver.
Lou Costello: HEY ABBOTTTTTITTTTTT!
Bud Abbott: Oh, there you are, Costello! What’s all the excitement?
Lou Costello: Oh, I was just out shoppin’, Abbott – and I bought a beautiful Valentine. Y’know, next Monday Is Street Valentine’s Day.
Bud Abbott: What day?
Lou Costello: Street Valentine’s Day… Here it’s right on the card: Stoostreet!
Bud Abbott: You dummy! That’s Saint Valentine! ST means Saint! Who are you sending it to?
Lou Costello: To Miss Carol Lou, 156 South Main Saint!
Jousting with Ken Niles
Lou is antagonistic with Ken, and they engage in verbal jousting.
Ken Niles: Oh, that’s a coincidence. I have a Valentine for Costello, too! Ilsten to this:
Dear Lou:
“Roses are red,
Violets are pink,
I saw your picture last night,
and you certainly do!
Hahahahaha!
Lou Costello: Quiet, Niles, or I’ll bore a hole In your head and let the sap run out i
Ken Niles: And you’re the bore who can do it! Hahahaha! Oh dear, I’m hot as a hot dog tonight!
Lou Costello: And just as fulla baloney..
Bud Abbott: Costello, why do you always fight with Niles?
Ken Niles: That’s right, Costello, You should be glad you’ve got me. I could be a lift on any program.
Lou Costello: Then why are you a jerk on this one?
Mel Blanc puns
Mel Blanc: Did you ever hear a mountain calling to his son? “Hey, Cliff!”
Bud Abbott: Hey, that’s good.
Lou Costello: That’s just a bluff.
Mel Blanc: A mother flower calling for her child: “Hey, Bud.”
A snake asking for chewing gum: “Wriggly wriggly wriggly.”
Enter Charles Laughton
Mrs. Niles has written a play for the radio show, based on “Robinson Crusoe” with herself playing the Voodoo Queen of the island. Then, there’s a knock at the door …
Charles Laughton: Pardon me – is this the Abbott and Costello program?
Lou Costello: What d’ya think It 1s?
Charles Laughton: I’m sorry, I Just walked past a glue factory and I haven’t noticed any change!
Lou Costello: Abbott, who is this fresh guy?
Bud Abbott: Costello! It’s that great actor – CHARLES LAUGHTON!
[audience applauds]
Lou Costello: Hey Laughton, if you don’t like my program, what’re ya doin’ here?
Charles Laughton: Well, in my next ploture I play the part of a moron, and.I came over to see how they act!
Lou Costello: [sweetly] Oh, so you’re going to play the part of a moron, Laughton?
Charles Laughton: That’s right!
Lou Costello: That’s what I call perfect casting — How d’ya like that, Fatso!
Bud Abbott: Costello, you can’t call a man like Mr. Laughton “Fatso”!
Lou Costello: Why not? What’s the nickname for Charles? It’s ‘Chuck’; What’s a chuck? That’s a roast. And what’s a roast, it’s a fat piece of meat. Hey Fatso!
The play begins …
Ken Niles: [on cue] And now, ladies and gentlemen, wo prosont our play, “The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe”, starring tho Abbott and Costello Seafood Cocktail Players. That little shrimp Costello plays Robinson Crusoe, that old crab Charles Laughton plays his man Friday, and Bud Abbott is just along for the halibut! Hahahahahah!
Lou Costello: C’mon, Niles – announce the play or I’ll belt you with a smelt!
Abbott and Costello meet Friday — and the Voodoo Queen of the Island
Alvia Allman: Greetings, Friday.
Charles Laughton: Greetings, Saturday.
Lou Costello: SATURDAY????
Charles Laughton: Yes, I am Friday and she is Saturday!
Lou Costello: Who are these three guys, Sunday, Monday and Always?????
Bud Abbott: Costello, be careful what you say!
Charles Laughton: Yes, and do not allow your eyes to stray from the Queen’s face!
Alvia Allman: That is right. You must face me, or face deathl
Lou Costello: I’d rathor face death!
Alvia Allman: You fool! Do you not realize that beauty is only skin deep!
Lou Costello: Well, go skin yoursolf and come back!
Songs
- Freddie Rich and his orchestra play “Holiday for Strings!“
- Connie Haines sings “I’ll Be Around“.
- During a Camel commercial, they play a short instrumental clip from “The Old Gray Mare”
- A plea for mercy turns into “Marsie Goats“
Cast
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian.
- Charles Laughton (Mutiny on the Bounty; Witness for the Prosecution) – movie star, this week’s guest. Years later, he would costar with Bud and Lou in “Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd“.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
- Alvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist.
- Mel Blanc (Neptune’s Daughter; Looney Tunes) – Botsford Twink, the sound man, providing a variety of sound effects for the play.. The running joke is that he keeps misunderstanding Costello’s words as cues for sound effects.