Return To PS 15 – The Abbott and Costello Radio Show, Broadcast: November 16, 1944
In Return to PS 15, Lou Costello is being “honored” by his old elementary school, and puts on a play there. But his younger brother Sebastian has other ideas!
Getting on the train
Bud Abbott: We’ve got to find a comfortable place to sleep on the train!
Lou Costello: I never have any trouble, Abbott — I got a system! I eat garlic before I get on the train,
Bud Abbott: What has garlic got to do with finding a plaoe to sleep?
Lou Costello: I just breathe in the conductor ‘s face — AND HE GIVES ME A WIDE BERTH!
If you want a lower, you have to go higher
Bud Abbott tries to explain to Lou that a lower berth is more expensive …
Bud Abbott:SIMPLY BECAUSE IF YOU WANT TO GO LOWER, YOU HAVE TO GO HIGHER,,BECAUSE THE LOWER IS HIGHER THAN THE UPPER AND THE REASON THE LOWER IS HIGHER THAN THE UPPER — IS BECAUSE THE UPPER IS HIGHER UP THAN THE LOWER!
Lou Costello: OHHHH — you mean, that the Upper is LOWER THAN THE LOWER, because THE LOWER IS HIGHER THAN THE UPPER!
Bud Abbott:NOW YOU’VE GOT IT!
Lou Costello: I’VE GOT IT??? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!
Bud Abbott: COSTELLO — I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU — THEY SELL THE UPPER LOWER THAN THE LOWER – BECAUSE WHEN YOU SLEEP IN AN UPPER – YOU HAVE TO GET UP TO GO TO BED.
Lou Costello: I HAVE TO GET UP TO GO TO BED????
Bud Abbott:That’s right.
Lou Costello: Abbott – WHO’S PAYING FOR MY BERTH?
Bud Abbott:You are!
Lou Costello: AND THERE A IN ‘T G ONNA BE ANYB ODY IN IT BUT ME ?
Bud Abbott:No!
Lou Costello: THEN WHY DO T HAVE TO GET UP?
Bud Abbott:COSTELLO, I’VE ALREADY EXPLAINED IT! Unless you go HTGHER for a LOWER, then you’re stuck with an UPPER and you’ll have to GET UP when you go to bed and you’ll have to get down when you want to get up.
Lou Costello: ABBOTT – LET ME SMELL YOUR BRE.ATH!
At PS 15
Once at the school, Lou’s expected to put on a play. But now he’s missing! So his younger brother, Sebastian, will step in! Telling the story of Romeo and Juliet — but Bud Abbott keeps asking him questions as he’s trying to tell the story!
Songs
- Together, sung by Connie Haines.
- Freddie Rich and his orchestra play “Sweet and Lovely“
Cast of characters
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian. This week, he’s also the voice of his own younger brother, Sebastian, since Lou’s missing when it’s time to put on the play.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend. She also plays the part of the 4th grade teacher — who’s making out with he janitor!
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello. And also the janitor!
- Elvia Allman – typically plays the part of Mrs. Niles, but here she’s the voice of Lou’s old teacher, Miss Sashweight.
- Artie Auerbach as Mr. Kitzel – One of the teachers at Lou’s old school. He’s been teaching Lou’s younger brother, Sebastian!
- Mel Blanc (Neptune’s Daughter; Looney Tunes) – the voice of the principal, Professor Wallpaper.