Lou Promises His Girlfriend a Job – The Abbott and Costello Radio Show – he’s promised to make Lena a movie star! And she thinks that he owns the studio, and the radio network, and that’s he’s a senator!
Lou Promises His Girlfriend a Job – The Abbott and Costello Radio Show, broadcast October 4, 1945
Lou’s girlfriend, Lena Genster — movie star?
Bud Abbott: Cut that out Costello! Will you forget about your girl Lena. You’re here and she’s in New York..
Lou Costello: I’ll never forget Lena, Abbott. Gee i remember the last night me and her was together, i bought a big bag of gumdrops, red ones for lena and black ones for me.
Bud Abbott: Red gumdrops for lena and black ones for you?
Lou Costello: Yeah, we sat on a bench in the park eatin’ them gumdrops, then it got dark and i lit a lantern!
Bud Abbott: You jerk, you mean you were sitting on a bench with a beautiful girl at night and you lit a lantern? Why?
Lou Costello: It was so dark i couldn’t tell the red gumdrops from the black ones!
Bud Abbott: Here, give me that telegram Costello, i’ll read it. “Have been discharged from the Waves and am on my way to Hollywood to accept the starring role that you promised me at Universal Studios… Signed, Lena Genster” …Costello! … Costello! Look at me! Did you promise that little girl that you would make her a star in pictures?
Lou Costello: (sadly) abbott, i had io….
Bud Abbott: You had to?
Lou Costello: (sadly) it was the only manly thing to do, it ali happened the night I bought her the bag of gumdrops, it was so romantic, every time we reached for a gumdrop our fingers would meet inside the sack, then, quite by accident, i kissed her.
Bud Abbott: How could you kiss her by accideni?
Lou Costello: We were both chewing on the same gumdrop and I ate past my half!
Insulting movie producer Mellonhead
Sid Fields: Costello i have never been so humiliated in my life, why I’m ashamed to have people see me walk out of here after conversing with an imbecile like you! … Mr. Abbott, isn’t there some way I can sneak out of here without being seen?
Lou Costello: All right Mellonhhad if that’s the way you feel about it you can go out this window and down our fire escape!
Sid Fields: Thank you, Open the window. Good night gentlemen.
(Long slide whistle down and terripic crash )
Bud Abbott: Costello! What’ was that?
Lou Costello: We ain’t got no fire escape!
Movie director – trying to get Lena a role in the movies
Bud Abbott: Boy, tell Mr. Ratbiscuit that Lou Costello has a friend out here that he wants to star in pictures!
Mr. Ratbiscuit’s assistant (Ken Niles): Well, you’ll have to wait, Mr. Laughton is in there now, trying to get a friend of his in pictures!
Mr. Ratbiscuit (Mel Blanc): (yelling off mike) So, Mr. Laughton, you’ve got a friend that’ you want to get in piciures, eh? Everybodyas got friends, nothing buy friends… What am i running here… An old friends’ home? I’li, show you whai i think of you and your friends! Now get out!
Sound: (glass crash, wood crash and body falleco•door opens)
Mr. Ratbiscuit (Mel Blanc): If anybody else brings a friend in here, I’ll smash them to pieces… I’ll jump up and down on them… I’ll tear them to bits! Well, Costello, I suppose you have a friend!
Lou Costello: (scared) Oh no, not me! I havin’t got a friend in the world… everybody hates me! I’m all alone.
Mr. Ratbiscuit (Mel Blanc): What about this young woman?
Lou Costello: I never saw her before in my life.
Bud Abbott: Well, Costello. What happened?
Lou Costello: Oh Lena’s all right. She’s in there. And you know, Abbott. that Ratbiscuit is a swell fellow, and he ain’t mad at me any more. Look! He even gave me a quarter!
Bud Abbott: He gave you a quarter? What for?
Lou Costello: He wants me to go downtown and get him a bag of gumdrops too!
Songs
- Connie Haines sings, “I’ll Buy That Dream“
- Will Osbourne and the orchestra play “”The Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe“.
Cast of characters
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian.
- Will Osbourn and his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend.
- Iris Adrian – Lena Genster, whom Lou has promised a starring motion picture role!
- Mel Blanc – delivering a telegram to Lou – and the studio director, Gregory Ratbiscuit!
- Joe Kirk (The Abbott and Costello Show) – Heckler in audience.
- Ken Niles – announcer, and Lou’s antagonist.
- Sid Fields (Mexican Hayride) – Professor Mellonhead, “world famous producer” – also known as Cecil B. DeMellonhead!
- Pat McGeehan – Thanks to the Yank of the week.
- Lou Marcelle – Prince Albert commercial