In Job At A Department Store With Claire Trevor, Broadcast May 11, 1944, after joking about Lou Costello working at his uncle Artie Stebbens farm over the weekend – and a lot of farm jokes – Mrs. Niles persuades Bud and Lou to help out at a department store for the Mother’s Day rush. Where they have to deal with a very finicky customer, Claire Trevor.
Job At A Department Store With Claire Trevor – The Abbott and Costello Radio Program
Lou working at his Uncle Artie Stebbins farm over the weekend
Lou Costello: Oh, a lot of movie stars were up there,Abbott! Dorothy Lamour and Betty Grable were working in the potato patch, but we had to make ’em stop,
Bud Abbott: Why?
Lou Costello:The potatoes were comin’ up baked!
Bud Abbott: Isn’t that ranch life a little strenuous for you,Costello?
Lou Costello: You said it! Every morning I got up,milked the cows with my left hand …
Bud Abbott: You milk cows with your left hand?
Lou Costello: Sure, that’s my old cow hand!
Bud Abbott: Costello, do you realize while you were out of town, the man from your draft board was looking for you?
Lou Costello:I know he was – and he found me, too : He walked up to me while I was milking that cow, and he tapped me on the shoulder,
Bud Abbott: What did he say?
Lou Costello:He said, “Young man, why aren’t you up at the front?” And I said, “Because there ain’t no milk at that end!”
Department Store
Mister Plushface: Well … Have you boys had any experience working iri stores?
Lou Costello:Yes — I used to be a credit manager .
Mister Plushface: Where?
Lou Costello:At the Five and Ten … But they fired me – I couldn’t remember the prices!
Bud Abbott: Say, you know, Costello, i,t certainly was nice of Mrs. Niles to get us a job in this department store.
Lou Costello:Yeah, we’ve been pretty busy. How much have we taken in so far, Abbott?
Bud Abbott: Three hundred dollars!
Lou Costello:That’s enough f or us – now we can start workin’ for the store!
Enter Claire Trevor
Claire Trevor: Hello, fellas — can you take care of me?
Bud & Lou: [together] Can we!! We can!
Claire Trevor: If you two guys don’t jump back over that counter, I’ll call the store detective! Now let’s make with the shopping! My boyfriend opened up a charge account for me. He’s got plenty, of dough – made it in oil.
Bud Abbott: Crude?
Claire Trevor: Not to me!
Sell something or else!
Bud Abbott: [pleading] Please, Miss Trevor, don’t make us lose our jobs!
Lou Costello:Yeah„ Miss Trevor – we gotta make at least one sale! How about some snowshoes??
Claire Trevor: [firmly] I never go out in the snow.
Lou Costello:How about some sandals?
Claire Trevor: I never go out In the sand!
Lou Costello:How about some oxfords??
Claire Trevor: I’ve never been out with an oxl
Lou Costello:Why don’t you try it some time!
Claire Trevor: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT!!
Lou Costello:Let’s go to Oxnard!
Music
- Connie Haines sings, “Goodnight, Wherever You Are“.
- Freddie Rich and the orchestra play “The Way You Look Tonight“.
Cast
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian
- Claire Trevor (The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse; Key Largo) – guest star – and a very finicky customer at the department store!
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend
- The Camel Five – singers promoting Camel cigarettes
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
- Alvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist
- Joe Forte – Mister Plushface, the manager of the department store.
- Mel Blanc – Jock MacGregorrrr, who uses the radio show to send a message to his motherrr in New Yorrrk! Also the elevator operator, and the customer complaining about the condition of the store.