I’ve got twenty, two – math clown skit
This is a classic Abbott and Costello skit, relying on Lou Costello mistaking the phrase “twenty, too” for the number “twenty-two” — taken from the Abbott and Costello film, Rio Rita, where Bud and Lou are trying to divide forty pieces of fruit evenly among themselves …
Bud Abbott: … another one for you, another one for me, and one for you, and one for me. There you are now, they’re all equally divided. Forty apples, right. How many apples have you got?
Lou Costello: I’ve got twenty. How many have you got?
Bud Abbott: I’ve got twenty, too.
Lou Costello: You got two more than me. [reaches for two of Bud’s apples]
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, no. Don’t touch the apples!
Lou Costello: You asked me how many I got, you got two more than me!
Bud Abbott: They’re equally divided.
Lou Costello: There’s forty apples.
Bud Abbott: Yes …
Lou Costello: I’ve got twenty. How many have you got?
Bud Abbott: I’ve got twenty, too.
Lou Costello: See what I mean? [reaches for two of Bud’s apples]
Bud Abbott: Don’t touch the apples!
Lou Costello: Split two in half, I got one coming!
Bud Abbott: I’m hungry, please.
Lou Costello: I’m hungry too! I mean, I risked my life in there …
Bud Abbott: Come on, count the apples.
Lou Costello: Forty apples, you can cut ’em in half …
Bud Abbott: Count ’em yourself.
Lou Costello: [counting] What’s after ‘9’?
Bud Abbott: 10.
Lou Costello: [continues counting] So, you’ve got 20.
Bud Abbott: And how many have you got?
Lou Costello: I’ve got twenty, too. [after a moment’s realization, he hands one of the apples to Bud]
Bud Abbott: Now that’s better.