Lou Costello tries to invite himself to Bud Abbott’s formal Thanksgiving dinner, but it doesn’t go as planned … When a necklace is believed to be stolen!
Formal Thanksgiving Dinner – The Abbott and Costello Radio show, originally broadcast: November 23, 1944
Bud wants Lou to serve at the fancy party
Lou Costello: LOOK, ABBOTT: I DIDN’T MIND WHEN YOU SAID I HAD TO WAIT FOR YOU ON THE TABLE, AND I WAS ONLY MILDLY SURPRISED WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO SNACK ALL THE LADIES — ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF THEIR HUSBANDS. BUT WHEN YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK ME TO GO OUT IN THE
KITCHEN AND DRESS A BUNCH OF NAKED OYSTERS----- YOU NOT ONLY HUMILIFY ME---BUT YOU HAVE IMPEWED ON MY GOOD NAME!
Lou’s working in the kitchen
Lou Costello: DOING WHAT?
Bud Abbott: SINGE-ING! SINGE-ING! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO SINGE?
Lou Costello: SURE I KNOW HOW TO SINGE! I WAS SINGE- ING WHEN YOU CAME IN. [sings again] Mammy ‘s little baby loves shortnin’, shortnin’ …
Bud Abbott: No, No, Costello. Singe-ing gets the down off the goose! Didn’t you ever get down off a goose?
Lou Costello: No, I got down off a horse once, but I never rode a goose!
Serving the formal dinner
Bud Abbott: Costello, got busy and serve tho dinner —and remember, I don’t want to sco your thumb in the soup.
Lou Costello: Okay!
Bud Abbott: Lord Beaverboard –what part of the turkey would you like?
Ken Niles: [as an Englishman] Well, I’m a flyer – I’ll take a wing!
Bud Abbott: And Freddie Rich.
Freddie Rich: Well, I’m a musician, I’ll take a drumstick!
Bud Abbott: And Sebastian–what part of the turkey would you like?
Sebastian: [high] You can skip me – I’m a Dead End Kid!
Connie Haines: I hope somebody will remember me . I like the neck.
Lou Costello: I like to neck, Connie …. I’ll meet you on the front porch!
Stolen necklace?
Mel Blanc [as police officer]: GET IN LINE THERE. I’ll, take this gentleman first. What’s your name?
Ken Niles: [as an Englishman]Lord Beaverboard.
Mel Blanc [as police officer]: : Where were you sitting when the necklace was stolen?
Ken Niles: [as an Englishman] Well, I was …
Mel Blanc [as police officer]: YOU LIE! [smacking sound]
Ken Niles: [as an Englishman] OUCH!
Mel Blanc [as police officer]: How long, have you known Lady Jennifer?
Ken Niles: [as an Englishman] Well, I …
Mel Blanc [as police officer]: YOU LIE! [smacking sound]
Ken Niles: [as an Englishman] OUCH!
Lou Costello: Gets rid of them fast, doesn’t he?
Mel Blanc [as police officer]: Alright, Sergeant — drag this man out of here! Now, Costello —you’re next!
Lou Costello: [meekly] I think there are others ahead of me!
And it turns out that the necklace wasn’t stolen after all, so all’s well … Until Lou’s making the stuffing!
Songs
- Freddie Rich and his orchestra plays “Java Junction”
- Lou sings “Mammy’s Little Baby loves shortnin’“
- Connie Haines sings “On the Sunny Side of the Street“
Cast of characters
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian. Here he also plays the part of his kid brother, Sebastian, who’s also “helping” with he formal Thanksgiving dinner.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello. Also plays the part of Lord Beaverboard, one of the party guests.
- Elvia Allman – typically plays the part of Mrs. Niles. Tonight, she’s one of the guests at the formal party: Lady Jennifer Cookie Cutter.
- Artie Auerbach as Mr. Kitzel – Tonight, he’s the chef that Bud’s hired for his formal dinner!
- Mel Blanc (Neptune’s Daughter; Looney Tunes) – as the very aggressive police officer, with an Irish accent.