Sam Shovel – Dust Be My Destiny, The Abbott and Costello Radio Show, Broadcast: May 19, 1949
Dust Be My Destiny – Lou Costello performs a parody as detective Sam Shovel, the private detective. The skit is filled with silly scenarios, the case of the lady blue beard, a pun about too many crooks spoil the broth, a lady who needs Sam to come to her rescue — and the “hold up your hands” routine!
Uncle Mike’s New House
Lou Costello: Where have I been?
Bud Abbott: Yeah.
Lou Costello: Uncle Mike just bought a new house. I’m about to see it.
Bud Abbott: How far is it from here?
Lou Costello: Fifteen minutes by automobile, and five minutes if you walk.
Bud Abbott: Wait a minute. How can it be how can it be faster if you walk?
Lou Costello: When you’re walking, you pass the skunk farm.
Bud Abbott: Must be a lovely place.
Lou Costello: It’s laid out. If you if you wanna go to the kitchen, you go through the dining room to the maid’s room. If you wanna go to the master bedroom, you go through the living room to the maid’s room. And if you wanna go to the patio, you go through the maid’s room.
Bud Abbott: Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why do you keep going through the maid’s room?
Lou Costello: Silly boy!
Sam Shovel – The Case Of The Man Who Drowned In The Los Angeles River or Dust Be My Destiny
[Lou’s recurring radio drama, of the Sam Spade parody, Sam Shovel]
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): [on the phone] Hello. Sam Shovel, private detective speaking.
Damsel in distress: Is this the great Sam Shovel, the private detective?
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): That’s me.
Damsel in distress: Sam, you’ve got to help me!
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): What’s the matter?
Damsel in distress: There are five tough guys with guns, thugs trying to break in here and kill me. Come right over.
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): I can’t hear you.
Damsel in distress: I said, There are five tough guys with guns, thugs trying to break in here and kill me! Come right over!
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): I can’t hear you.
Lieutenant Abbott: Sam, I am not even on the phone and I can hear it. Why don’t you go over?
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): You go over!
Lift up your hands!
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): If lift them up any higher, I’ll break my suspenders.
Sid Fields: I said lift up your hands!
[sound effect of suspenders breaking]
Sid Fields: Now lift up your pants.
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): What’s the idea of making us put up our hand?
Sid Fields: Don’t ask any questions. Go on. Reach for the ceiling.
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): Okay. We reached the ceiling. What’s the idea of this stick up?
Sid Fields: This ain’t no stick up.
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): Then why have you got us standing here with our hands on the ceiling?
Sid Fields: Me and my crew are repairing this building. We’re ready to tear out the walls, and somebody better be holding up that ceiling!
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): Lieutenant Abbott, this seems kind of silly. You and me standing here, holding up the ceiling.
Lieutenant Abbott: Yes, Sam.
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): Probably something the writer has thought up because they were stuck for a finish.
Lieutenant Abbott: It’s ridiculous.
Sam Shovel (Lou Costello): Let’s put our hands down. [ceiling collapses]
Cast
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian.
- George Fenneman – announcer.
- Matty Malneck
- Hal Winters – singer
- Veola Vonn – Southern belle Miss TweedleFaddle.
- Sid Fields – the man who tells Sam Shovel & Lieutenant Abbott to put up their hands! Also doing the commercial for the fictional “Sludge Motor Oil”