Lou Costello tries to go on a date with Connie Haines, despite threats from this week’s guest star, John Garfield.
In this May 4, 1944, broadcast of The Abbott and Costello Radio Program, Abbott and Costello are in for trouble as they go on a date with the lovely Connie Haines, with a special appearance by her jealous boyfriend, John Garfield. And when Lou thinks John can’t make his date with Connie, Lou tries to take her out instead. But John turns up! So Lou has to disguise himself as Bud’s girlfriend, “Lulu”! And then John starts chasing “her”!
Jokes
Lou Costello: How many girls do you think I need? What do you want to do, get me arrested for trigonometry?
Bud Abbott: [laughs] No, not trigonometry. When a man has several wives, it’s polygamy. When he has two wives, that’s bigamy. Now, do you know what it means when a man has one wife?
Lou Costello: Yeah, that’s monotony!Lou Costello: Yeah, I got a table made out of that stuff — solid monotony.
Bud Abbott, No, no, you mean mahogony.
Lou Costello: No, that’s the name of the guy who sold me the table — Patrick Mahogony.
Bud Abbott. Oh no, listen, it isn’t Mahogany — you mean “Patrick Mahoney”.
Lou Costello: No, Abbott, that’s the name of s song — [singing] “Mahoney done told me, when I wuz in knee pants, Mahoney done tole me …”
Bud Abbott: Lou, Lou, it’s not Mahoney, it’s “man mammy”.
Lou Costello: I’ve been there, Abbott.
Bud Abbott: You’ve been where?
Lou Costello: Mah mammy, Florida!
Cast of characters
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend. But this week, she’s the girlfriend of …
- John Garfield (Between Two Worlds) The guest star, known for his movie roles as a tough guy. Who’s very protective of Connie!
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
- Alvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist.
- Mel Blanc (Neptune’s Daughter; Looney Tunes) – the “lazy bum” woken up by Lou accidentally.
Songs
- Lou sings snippets from “Blues In The Night (My Mama Done Tol’ Me)“, “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean“, and “When Carolina Smiles”
- Freddie Rich and his orchestra play, “I’ll Get By”
- Connie Haines sings a brand new song from her then-new picture, “A Wave A WAC, and A Marine“, “Time Will Tell,”