Having insulted Mrs. Niles — again — Costello Buys Gifts For Cast to apologize. Which Mr. Kitzel would be glad to sell him! Followed by the classic Who’s on First routine.
Costello Buys Gifts For Cast – originally broadcast June 8, 1944
Mrs. Niles: [sarcastic] Very funny, very funny. You know, Costello,, I had a dream last night – I dreamed they were holding a contest to see which comedian had the most empty space in his head!
Lou Costello: So??
Mrs. Niles: Well, one comedian had ‘two square inches of space, another had f ive square inches, and another had ten square inches of empty space in his head!
Lou Costello: I’ll bet you didn’t see my head there!
Mrs. Niles: See it?? [gravely voice] That’s where they were holding the contest!
Mr. Kitzel is selling …
Bud Abbott: Look, Mister Kitzel, we have no time for foolishness! What have you got to sell us?
Mr. Kitzel: What have I got to sell you? Don’t be so uppity-puppity! In this little satchel I’ve got gold rings, old rings,earrings, herrings ; cuff links, stud links, golf links, boblinks; sport shoes, suede shoes, kerchoos, andlook-at-yous! Clocks, stocks, socks and smocks [long breath] Not to mention
. . .
Lou Costello: Sack suits, swim suits, blue suits and union suits; top coats, sport coate, Qvercoats and nanny-goats . Bow ties,silk ties – home ties and railroad ties . Quirts, shirts, assorted nerts ~~ (sings)
Songs
- Connie Haines sings “Two Heavens“
Routines
- Bud and Lou do the famous Who’s on First? routine.
Cast of characters
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend.
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello.
- Elvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist.
- Artie Auerbach as Mr. Kitzel – the traveling salesman, who’s in the mansion business – if you mansion it, he’s got it!