Investing in a Gold Mine – The Abbott and Costello radio show – Broadcast: October 12, 1944
Bud is trying to force Lou into investing his $75 in a gold mine — leading to their Gold Ore routine – in Gold Tooth, Nevada. Along the way, they find Mr. Kitzel selling “authentic” Indian blankets.
Cousin Hugo
Bud Abbott : That letter?
Lou Costello : It just came from my cousin, Corporal Hugo Costello . He has been thrown into the guardhouse for bringing Poison Ivory into the camp!
Bud Abbott : Poison Ivory? I think you mean Poison ivy!
Lou Costello : No – this was POISON IVORY! They caught him with loaded dice!
About Lou’s money
Bud Abbott : Costello, I’m not going to give you that money, You’ll only squander it! Besides I haven’t got the money with me!
Lou Costello : What’s that lump in your sock?
Bud Abbott : That’s my long underwear.
Lou Costello : How come your long underwear.’s got Lincoln’s picture on it?
Indian selling blankets?
Bud Abbott : Don’t be such a coward. He’s just a peaceful Indian selling blankets. I’IIl speak to him, How much costum blankets, Chief?
Mr. Kitzel : Fifteen dollar!
Bud Abbott : But Chief, fifteen dollars for that, you makum prioe too high.
Mr. Kitzel: [using Kitzel voice] Vat high? Dat’s strictly O .P .A . ceiling prices.
Bud Abbott : Costello — it’s Kitzel.
Mr. Kitzel: Hmmm … yeah, could be. How’s with you my happy chappies?
Lou Costello : Kitzel, are you an Indian?
Mr. Kitzel: Hmmmm — with certain reservations, yes!
Lou Costello : Hey, wait a minute, Kitzel . Those are phony Indian blankets you’ve got there. Look, it says made in Cleveland!
Mr. Kitzel: Oh pish posh. Didn’t you ever hear of the Cleveland Indians?
Songs
- Connie Haines sings, “It Could Happen to You“
- Freddie Rich and his orchestra play “Straighten Up & Fly Right”
Cast of characters
- Bud Abbott – straight man
- Lou Costello – comedian.
- Freddie Rich & his orchestra
- Connie Haines – singer, occasionally plays the part of Lou’s girlfriend.
- Ken Niles – announcer & antagonist to Lou Costello. He also plays a life guard in the middle of the desert!
- Elvia Allman – as Mrs. Niles, Ken’s wife & Lou’s antagonist. This week, she plays the proprietor of the Red Dog Saloon. And she gives Bud and Lou the shaft – literally!
- Artie Auerbach as Mr. Kitzel – as Bud and Lou are lost in the desert, they come across as an “authentic” Indian, selling blankets. It’s Mr. Kitzel!
- Mel Blanc (Neptune’s Daughter; Looney Tunes) – Lou’s echo in the gold mine.