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Mel Blanc doesn’t have enough to do [Abbott and Costello]

Mel Blanc doesn’t have enough to do – from the Abbott and Costello radio show, Bank Robbery with Marlene Dietrich

Sound man (Mel Blanc): And why shouldn’t I? What did I have on last week’s program? Nothing! Not even a door slam! I understand doors, I know doors inside and out. I talk to doors, and they talk to me.

Lou Costello: And what do you hear from them now?

Sound man (Mel Blanc): Well may you laugh. How little do you understand every little sound is to me. Even the sound of a moth chewing on an overcoat. Like this: [imitates, with spitting sound hitting a cuspidor]

Bud Abbott: What’s that funny sound?

Lou Costello: That’s the moth spittin’ out the buttons.

Sound man (Mel Blanc): Don’t you think sounds are fascinating? Here’s a sample of my day. When work is through, I walk home at night in the rain [sound effects]. I go in and shut the door [sound effects]. Then I walk upstairs in the rain.

Lou Costello: It’s raining in the house?

Sound man (Mel Blanc): Yes, we’re waiting for a government ceiling. I jump into bed and sleep. [snoring, alarm clock goes off] It’s morning.

Lou Costello: What a night!

Sound man (Mel Blanc): I’ve got to catch the train. I kiss my wife before I go to the office [kissing sound]. My wife kisses me [kissing sound]. I kiss her [kissing sound] and she kisses me [kissing sound].

Bud Abbott: Now wait a minute! What about the office?

Lou Costello: With a wife like that, why should he go to the office?

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