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Lou Costello at the football game

Lou Costello at the football game with Connie Haines

Lou Costello at the football game with Connie Haines — so, what is Lou complaining about?

Bud Abbot: Well, never mind that. Where have you been all week? What have you been doing?

Connie Haines, circa 1943

Lou Costello: Oh boy, have I been having fun with Connie Haines.

Bud Abbot: No kidding.

Lou Costello: Last Saturday I took her to a football game. What a game! What excitement!

Bud Abbot: Any passes?

Lou Costello: No, her mother was with us. And another thing, Abbott, there was a man sitting next to us with a six month old baby. All afternoon the kid was crying. He was so hungry!

Bud Abbot: Didn’t the father bring a bottle?

Lou Costello: Yeah, but the kid wanted milk. Finally, to shut the kid up, I give him a penny.

Bud Abbot: Did that keep him quiet?

Lou Costello: Yeah, but he kept waving the penny in front of my binoculars. It ruined the game.

Bud Abbot: How did it ruin the game?

Lou Costello: All afternoon, Lincoln was playing in the backfield!

[from the Abbott and Costello radio show episode, Bank Robbery]

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