Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft Windows – an imaginary conversation where Abbott tries to tell Costello how to shut down Microsoft Windows
(Editorâs note: the great comedy team of Abbott and Costello passed away before either Bud Abbott or Lou Costello could have used Microsoft Windowsâ¢âbut isn’t it funny to imagine that they had?)
Lou Costello: Hey, Abbot!
Bud Abbott: Yes, Lou?
Lou Costello: I just got my first computer.
Bud Abbott: Thatâs great Lou. What did you get?
Lou Costello: A brand new 2 Gighertz Pentium with 4 Gigabyte of RAM, a Terabyte hard drive, and a 48x CD-ROM.
Bud Abbott: Thatâs terrific, Lou.
Lou Costello: But I donât know what any of it means!
Bud Abbott: You will in time.
Lou Costello: Thatâs exactly why I am here to see you.
Bud Abbott: Oh?
Lou Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Bud Abbott: Well, I don’t know-
Lou Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you’re going to train me.
Bud Abbott: Really?
Lou Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Bud Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
Lou Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Bud Abbott: Thatâs true.
Lou Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Bud Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
Lou Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Bud Abbott: I know, you press the Start button-
Lou Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Bud Abbott: I did.
Lou Costello: When?
Bud Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.
Lou Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Bud Abbott: To shut off the computer.
Lou Costello: I press Start to stop.
Bud Abbott: Well Start doesn’t actually stop the computer.
Lou Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?
Bud Abbott: Start.
Lou Costello: Start what?
Bud Abbott: Start button.
Lou Costello: Start button to do what?
Bud Abbott: Shut down.
Lou Costello: You don’t have to get rude!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no! Thatâs not what I meant.
Lou Costello: Then say what you mean.
Bud Abbott: To shutdown the computer, press-
Lou Costello: Donât say, âStart!â
Bud Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?
Lou Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Bud Abbott: But thatâs what you do.
Lou Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Bud Abbott: Donât be ridiculous.
Lou Costello: Iâm being ridiculous? Well. I think itâs about time we started this conversation.
Bud Abbott: What are you talking about?
Lou Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.