Abbott and Costello horse fodder routine — a classic Abbott and Costello skit, with Lou Costello mistaking “fodder” for “father”; they did the routine numerous times, on the radio, on their TV show, and in their films Hit the Ice and The Noose Hangs High.
Lou Costello: I just bought me a racehorse and I gotta take care of him. What do you feed a horse anyway?
Bud Abbott: Well, a horse eats his fodder.
Lou Costello: He eats his father?
Bud Abbott: Certainly.
Lou Costello: That’s fine. Then what does his father eat?
Bud Abbott: He eats his fodder.
Lou Costello: Well, whata ya know! Then what does the horse’s mother eat?
Bud Abbott: She eats her fodder.
Lou Costello: What are they – cannibals!!?
Bud Abbott: Certainly not. Every horse has to eat his fodder.
Lou Costello: Oh, I see. He eats his father and then his father eats his father and his mother eats her father and, before you know it, there won’t be no fathers left for Father’s Day!
Bud Abbott: No. No. To feed a horse you take a bag and put his fodder in it.
Lou Costello: You mean you put his father in a bag?
Bud Abbott: That’s right, and you hang his fodder on his nose.
Lou Costello: Now ainât that a pretty picture – a horse walking around with his father hangin’ on his nose!
Bud Abbott: Will you please make sense! Now if you intend to keep that horse around here, you’ll have to take care of him yourself. You’re going to have to be the horseâs groom.
Lou Costello: The what?
Bud Abbott: His groom. You said you loved the horse, didn’t you?
Lou Costello: Yes, but I’m not going to marry him.
Bud Abbott: No. No. When I say ‘groom,’ I mean you have to curry the horse.
Lou Costello: What?
Bud Abbott: Curry. Curry.
Lou Costello: Curry the horse?
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: He’s big enough to walk himself! I’m not going to ‘curry’ no horse!
Bud Abbott: Well, if you’re gonna run him in a race, if the track is wet will he run well?
Lou Costello: I think so …
Bud Abbott: What I’m asking is .. . is he a mudder?
Lou Costello: How can he be a mudder? Ain’t a she always a mudder?
Bud Abbott: Certainly not. Sometimes a he makes a better mudder than a she.
Lou Costello: Whata you know. Look, suppose the mama horse has little horses, does that make her a mudder?
Bud Abbott: Well, that depends on her feet.
Lou Costello: Ya learn sumpin’ every day, don’t cha?
Bud Abbott: A mudder is a horse that likes to run in mud on account of having sore feet.
Lou Costello: In that case, I guess my horse is a mudder because I saw him limping on his two front feet.
Bud Abbott: Oh, having trouble with his forelegs, huh?
Lou Costello: What’d you say?
Bud Abbott: I said he’s having trouble with his forelegs.
Lou Costello: I just got through telling you he was only limping on his two front legs!
Bud Abbott: Your horse’s forelegs are in front.
Lou Costello: Four legs in front! Then what are those things in the back – crutches?
Bud Abbott: You don’t understand. Your horse has forelegs in front and hind legs in back.
Lou Costello: Four legs in front and hind legs in back? What I got – a centipede!!? It doesn’t matter because my horse only races on three legs.
Bud Abbott: Only races on three legs? What’s he do with the other leg?
Lou Costello: Trips the other horses!! !
Bud Abbott: Get outa here!
Lou Costello: He cheats; he’s a dirty horse!!